Watch out! Krans is shooting from the hip this week and you’re bound to get clipped. From litigiousness as a road to riches for bladers, Arlo ranting and people ranting about Arlo, and the upside to being unemployed, Krans has your week-in-blading wrap right here. — ONE

How To Make Money In Rollerblading

There are maybe a handful of people who make their living from rollerblading. The creepy dude reminiscent of the J.G. Wentworth guy pictured above can help us all join those ranks. It’s like his hands are holding the stack of cash already.

Thanks to my handy-dandy Twitter search for anything mentioning rollerblading, a link to the Web site for Solomon & Relihan Law Firm in Phoenix, Ariz. came up with some helpful words:

See, if you wreck yourself skating, there are plenty of people to sue. File the suit claiming the designers of the ledge made it too steep, or the rail had too many kinks in it. Crack in the sidewalk? Cha-ching!

Hell, I’m going to sue some skating manufacturers because their skates failed to stay underneath me while I was in the air. Maybe even the wheel manufacturer because the wheels failed to stay on the ground.

Fuck it. I’m suing gravity too.

Like the article says, “Rollerblading is supposed to be a fun leisurely activity that can also help you get fit or be a mode of transportation.”

Getting hurt sucks, but at least I’m gonna get paaaaaaaaaaaaaaid!

Speaking of Arizona, these guys could sue the brewers of the beer that got them drunk enough to fight each other:

Wow

Why is it that anytime I see a topic on the Be-Mag message board titled “I made the news!” that something like “(gang related)” has to follow? Is something like “scholastic achievement” or “saved someone’s life” really too much to ask?

The Be-Mag topic of the week comes from people who like to attack others because they aren’t exactly like them.

It’s ironic you beat people — thus destroying their bodies — because they consume things that could destroy their bodies.

I drink and smoke to numb the pain of knowing people with such bigoted ideals can be allowed to live in such a society. Somebody needs to give Dexter your address.

(Sorry to the chemically-balanced Be-Maggers that use the message board for blading-related things. The rest of you, eat my shit.)

Ubiquitous Item/Comment of the Week

Rarely does a comment about comments gain such notoriety as getting its own post on Rollernews, but when it’s Arlo, shit is always going to be well… um… different.

Who knew that a blog post about MC Hammer could become so controversial. For those with short attention spans — or who prefer to cut down everything Arlo has done — I’ve highlighted some important things:

There’s truth to it. While good discourse can only benefit ANYTHING, especially skating, criticizing for no reason other than to tear something down is about as productive as blading on a treadmill. Like this guy…

Hmm. “…fucking idiot…fuck you…fucking blows…worthless rambling…” This is I think what Arlo was getting at. Comments like that are the true worthless rambling. There was nothing constructive. Comments like these should be dismissed because there’s no point to them other than some person on a computer attempting to feel better about themselves by cutting everyone else down.

There are two types of people in this world: Creators and Destroyers.

Blading has become as great as it is because of the Creators who have sacrificed so much to better the sport, whether starting companies where quality comes before profit, hosting competitions, or even something as small as giving away their old skates.

The Destroyers don’t do shit but tell others they aren’t shit. I’d give a shotgun a blowjob if I became one of those “canibalistic” assholes. The Internet has given everyone a voice, so why not do something crazy and actually say something useful. But, since Arlo and ESPN are so easily associated with each other, you should know that one of ESPN’s Twitter accounts for snowboarding posted this:

It links to this video:

That’s right, there’s another time when ESPN is openly shaking its head at blading. Commence further hating and complaining.

“Being unemployed is one of the greatest things ever.”

Again, Shop Task has the goods.

“We chuckled among ourselves at the disgusting thought of even working that day.”

What? Get a job! — Brian Krans

P.S. — Never take anything I write seriously.

Except for this: Vegas bladers hold it down even without the WRS or their skates. Give them 48 hours, a genre, a theme, a prop, a line of dialogue and a character and they’ll pinch off this “turd” of excellence: