Six months of doing this and I think I’ve earned a little space to rant more than usual, so I use it for revolving door-bitching topics. So, I’ll be the guy on the right and let you readers be the guy on the left…

Be Free, but just like me…

Brian Freeman — or “B Free” to you hip kids — got his Valo Texas edit up on Rollernews. I liked it. Good switch-ups, hilarious shit inside his house, etc.

Maybe even the best part was his friends’ in the background and their reaction to some of Brian’s tricks.

I thought it was rather enjoyable edit, but I’m often very, very wrong.

A scholar of linguistics took opposition to something in the film and took a break from his hectic schedule to secure the No. 3 spot on the comments. These were his titillating and thought-provoking words about Mr. Freeman’s wardrobe, the musical selection, and possibly his own view of Dallas’ lack of racial diversity:

Ah yes, “Fake ass edit is fake” and “Get The Fuck Out and do all the rest of us a favor.”

Such depth, such la mode. But, I think Mr. Yo reached his thesis at the beginning when he wrote, “…faggot tights wearing wana-be rolers.”

He shares the same reading comprehension as his parents — who couldn’t read the instructions on the box of condoms all those years ago.

Then again, I thought rollerblading WASN’T some fraternity where we all have to pass some tests with homo overtones only to be exactly like everyone else. I didn’t know there was a uniform.

I thought blading was a personal thing, something you do because it feels good when you do it the way you want, not in fear of what others thought.

I thought the best part of skating was that it attracts all types: pretty boys, thugs, rockers, hip hoppers, emos, Goths, etc. Some choose to get drunk and some don’t. Some are working to be doctors; some will live with their parents until they die.

I thought diversity of lifestyles, background and opinions in blading was what made it great. We’re all entirely different people, unified by molded plastic, some metal, fabric and urethane, but I guess that’s not enough.

But fuck it, let’s all be the same.

We’ll set the only language for blading in English because Rollerblade is an American company (Soichiro, I hope you’re reading this), make the guys over at Frenchy Fries change their name to Freedom Fries, and make watching or participating in any sport other than blading be punishable by rape with a broken beer bottle.

Fascism is fun, isn’t it?

(Really though, I kind of like fucktards like “Yo.” They make this weekly batch of bullshit so much easier to write because he and others are just working out their frustration that 10-year-old skateboarders make fun of them. That, and I get to use the word “fucktard.” A LOT!)

Blading in mainstream media… wait… shit!

I don’t think when Joshua Shelton, a video game blogger in Wilmington, N.C., wrote a column about Tony Hawk killing rollerblading via video game sales that he expected he’d have one comment, let alone about a dozen, calling him a douche.

Then again, he claims he was sarcastic with statements like the “mockery that the Tony Hawk (video game) series made of skateboarding.”

Fair enough, but the last couple words didn’t seem so sarcastic:

“By comparison, Aggressive Inline faded away like beaten dogs into the night. There are no more liu kang spins, no more 540 kung laos, farvenugen grinds or toe-to-toe skating-those days are over- no more.

To see someone on Rollerblades these days only elicits a sigh and a shake of the head ‘poor idiot.’

Tony Hawk killed Rollerblading and that is all there really is to tell. Play It Again Sports has a wall full of forgotten inline skates-and the world will never miss them.”

Oooooooh, ouch. Funny, but ouch.

I laughed at it (the dude did do his homework on terminology), but like all good bladers do, they defended their loved wheeled booties, including a link to some “Killerboots” hotness.

Still, it all puts me at unease. People who hate on rollerblading — I mean really hate, not just because it’s the cool/easy thing to do — can never change their minds. They’re like Scientologists that way.

But really, when are we going to stop chasing our tails, calling out everyone against us like little bitches with skinned knees?

Blading is what it is, and whining about it incessantly won’t make it better. It will only make the sport worse. (Yes, I see a bit of irony whining about people who whine about people who whine).

At what price do we put on being “cool again?” It’s not like if blading gets popular that we’ll all cash in on some huge payday just because we’ve bladed since Dirks were at skate shops. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.

Yes, I want the numbers to rise so those who have put in their work can see a decent paycheck for it. Yes, I want our pros to be able to travel the world. Yes, I want more blading videos out there. Yes, yes and yes.

But still, there’ll be a price to pay.

The small numbers we have makes us even stronger. We’re more tightly focused and accepting of one another (usually). The fact we’re all involved in something larger society has dubbed “uncool” should make our love for blading even stronger.

We’re like the kid at school who gets picked on but doesn’t change the way he is. That kid rules.

It’s been a long damn time since a blader has snubbed me at a park and if the numbers rise again, there’ll be tons of people blading because it’s cool — like skateboarding does now.

You could see a guy on blades and you go to talk to him, he’ll call you a fag for coming up to him. Then what? Blader-on-blader crime. We’ll fight amongst ourselves because — if the Internet is any indicator — we fucking love fighting with each other!

But, thanks to Mr. Shelton’s slow news week to bring up rollerblading, it gives rise to our…

Comment of the Week

Now THAT’S how you fucking respond to some hate! Kudos to you good sir! An implied “fuck you,” some wit and some free advertising.

Damn, I need to order from Intuition — in lovely Bakersfield, CALIFORNIA (See, I can learn) — soon.

Ubiquitous Item of the Week

Swine Flu.

Fuck. I bet even he hates on bladers. — Brian Krans