ONE Staff / February 15th, 2010 / Uncategorized
WEB ROLL #36: Nothing Too Important

Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is three days late — but a solo mission to Berlin for Winterclash sorta interrupted our regular schedule. So get over it! Here’s Krans’ latest batch of online musings on what other sites are posting and what you should be thinking about heading into Bitter Cold. Speaking of which, see you all in two weeks. — ONE

Talk Amongst Yourselves

The outstanding humorist Bill Hicks often said during his standup routines, “…if anyone here is in marketing or advertising… kill yourself.”

Advertising is nothing more than an assortment of images and sounds designed to get you to buy something. With that said, let’s watch something…

I was sold on blading before, but damn that is some good advertising!

I’m all choked up. My eyes are all bubbly in tears. Literally, I get goosebumps every time I watch it. Literally.

You’ve heard the term “jumping the shark” when people take things too far. Well, it seems Simon Mulvaney couldn’t take it far enough and did this to the shark when creating the Chaz Sands Invitational Documentary:

After watching that, I throw my fist in the air and yell, “Rollerblading…fuck yeah!”

A Vault of Throwback!

No, the above screenshot is not from the late 90s or even the youth of this century. This shit is for real.

Somehow, — a shop in Ocean City, Maryland — has a stockpile of old USDs, Razors, K2s, Salomons, and even a pair of the first ever Remz!

So for all you know-your-roots fuckers out there, drop a few hundred bucks and get some old-school goodies before they disappear forever. If you’re really cool, you’ll buy me the size 10 USD Gillan Thrones — the same skates I wore in my senior photos.

Ubiquitous Item of the Week: Awesome shit

The cats over at Shock featured a very interesting piece of editing. For all the people that bitch nonstop about music in skating videos, here’s a twist: make beats out of the natural noises from blading.


So, Jess D. watches American Idol. Since he’s Jess D., he does what the fuck he wants. However, he did find something interesting and posted it on his FaceBook page concerning a contestant’s wardrobe.

Life’s Simple Pleasures

Another simple joy in my life — besides going to the zoo and pissing off the animals — is the ads that crop up on the side of The Book and other sites. Like when they have big-boobied girls and the headline says “Meet Christian Singles.” This, however, must be shared.

Really California? It’s bad enough we have a celebrity governor, but now we’re licensing cartoons to drive? I’m thinking twice about blading in the streets now.

Comment of the Week

Lord Brian — commander-in-chief of — had some interesting things to say on his Twitter page that he didn’t get into his recent feature on Be-Mag.


Fail of the Week

Okay, so it wasn’t this week, but Rollernews posted it this week, so it’s good enough for my weak-ass standards.

Either way, some things never get old.

Like people getting pissy for taking second place at the 2008 LG Action Sports World Champion Inline Street comp. It’s damn near infamous and still makes me giggle. Ah, sportsmanship and staying classy.

But, there’s also good things watching the comp on the un-embeddable YouTube, like the commentary back and forth between Mark Shays and Arlo Eisenberg.

Shays: David Sizemore should do more backflips. The crowd really likes them.

Arlo: Shut the fuck up.

(I’m paraphrasing here.)

Something To Look Forward To

Since Bitter Cold is still two weeks away, here’s something coming up to keep you occupied until then because apparently this week was all about the teasing, giving us all blading blue balls:

Nimh video — Shima, Chase, Bolino, Livingston. If that’s not enough to get you excited to see this video then you are a dick and I hate you.


Brian Krans

Discussion / WEB ROLL #36: Nothing Too Important

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  • qcsky - February 15th, 2010


  • RyBunn - February 16th, 2010

    I… I, missed you

  • Michael Braud - February 16th, 2010

    I love web-rolls.

    They make me come to this page every once in a while to get my laugh on.

    And boy, do I laugh.

  • James Q - February 16th, 2010


  • James Q - February 16th, 2010

    Hey yo Krans, there;s this britcom show called Father Ted and one of the episodes is called Cigarettes an Alcohol and Rollerblading. It’s about these 3 priest stopping their habits for Lent. Stupid as hell, look it up.

  • Brian Krans - February 17th, 2010

    Haha. Already mentioned that one a few rolls ago. Appreciate the heads up though!

  • xgreenxcloverx - February 17th, 2010

    Another classy maneuver by Alfano was his backflip crotch-grab. Though with his free hand, he should’ve also thrown up the bird.

  • rl - February 19th, 2010

    hahaha that alfano shit made me laugh so hard. what a fucking baby he is.

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