Cryptic words this week from Krans: “Here she is, once again. Hopefully next week I’ll be able to find some internet connection other than my phone. Monday I’ll be flying out to SF, staying with Jose Fuentes and Chris Bjerre while Ivan and I finish searching for an apartment. At least I’ll know where to walk to when I get off the damn plane with three bags and my blades. I’ll shoot you my address if I ever get one.” Guess we’re lucky we got anything at all! — ONE

Tossin’ ‘Em Back With Joey

To be a good blader, you mustn’t fear pain, but rather welcome it like a whore craves the sausage.

Joey Chase is a damn good blader, at times bordering on the psychotic edge of what can be pulled on skates. Then there are his off-time hobbies, such as chasing shots of booze with mayonnaise — or “may nays” — and Tabasco.

This gem of the YouTube was brought to my attention via ONE’s Twitter page.

Right off the bat, there’s Joey, or “some college kid,” knocking them back like a champ. Never one to be outdone, condiments come into play. Joey’s reaction is one we’ve all felt, but normally after waking up with the taste of Steel Reserve and battery acid in our mouths.

Comic Judy Gold said it the best, “This is just seeing the body going, ‘fuck you.’”

Oh honey, you have no idea about this one.

Chi-Town

This is a big fucking weekend for bladers in the Chicago. The Windy City Riot — as seen in such award-winning documentaries as “Jack Be Nimble” — takes over the scene in Chicago today and tomorrow. It’s the Bitter Cold of street skating in the Midwest: everyone goes and if you didn’t, you better have a superior answer as to why not.

Chicago has a great scene, held together online by www.fruitboot.com. While sometimes the original content is scarce, the message board is the best place to get a session going for kids in the area, which includes the likes of on-line stars like Paul John and Brian Bruno.

Wednesday, the guys behind the site (aka Roll Series founder Collin Martin), threw up another edit in their Montage series.

Travis Rhodes and Paul John tear apart a ledge at a park and a cable in some random parking lot. It’s definitely worth checking out.

“We Shatter The Boundaries…”

Want to make an edit but don’t have $60,000 a day to rent the RED camera like the one used for all the bitching slow-mo shots in the ONEvideo?

Well, there’s “cutting edge” equipment that bladers are using right now. As illustrated on Ivan Narez’s blog, www.connectedskating.com, the same magical device that carries the iFart can also capture up audio and video well enough to make a weekly session edit worthy of note.

Check the vid above, or Ivan’s description of using the iPhone 3GS’ video here.

Ubiquitous Item Of The Week

Aaron Feinberg. El Toro. Rough Fish. Old USD ad.

Yeah, that shit’s real.

Most common word to describe it, “Legend.”

Comment Of The Week

Chris Mitchell never fails to provide the best status updates on FaceBook, each one tainted with his delirium for Disney-tainted sex talk, feigning for the princesses and otherwise kicking ass with the words. My favorite this week was: “There are claw marks on my back and my sheets smell like honey. Did I have sex with Winnie the Pooh last night?”

Be on the lookout for his book, “Cast Member Confidential” .

And Now, Frenchie

Thomas Bouleau will show you what a line is — check about :30 to 1:00.

Skitch a dirt bike, boost a hip, throw in some AO negs and just keep going around.

— Brian Krans