This week, while settling in to his new home of SF, and managing to secure himself another online outlet for his blade musings, Krans found out that North Carolina bladers can get down with some McDonalds, Dalnas is a master of Savannahs, bladers in New York are on a mission, plenty of chicks are Twittering about rollerblading, and the son of god himself is a blade head. Overall a good haul. See for yourself. — ONE

Someone Pissed Off Jesus!

There’s no blanket cozier to wrap yourself up in than knowing the Son of God has got your back. When the Good Shepard’s flock includes us fruitbooters — as demonstrated by an e-mail exchange with the management of a church-run Florida skatepark and the Almighty Himself — we’re all better off.

Funny story short, the park denies rollerblading because as the management says, “we are not insured to have that sport in our park. Our insurance prohibits it.”

So the ever-so-eloquent Jesus of Nazareth e-mails that He Himself rollerblades and “As a victim of discrimination and prejudice, it horrifies me that you would preach my teachings while acting in a very unchristian manner.”

Not only is the Messiah’s responses funny, but so is the logic of the park.

For three years I volunteered at a similar “skate church” and never once did we turn anyone away because of what was under their feet. Skaters, bladers, scooters, even those Rip Stick things were all allowed. We did what Jesus said — treat others as you would like to be treated.

It sounds like Boardz should do some light reading. I suggest Matthew 25:39.

Let’s Get Everyone Together

This is what it’s all about. Weekly sessions, getting masses of bladers together, straight ass-kicking.

The boys behind Let’s Roll NYC are all about posting the when and where of weekly sessions and then posting the aftermath. More than 50 strong. Awesome.

Then there’s their neighbors to the north, Roll Toronto, doing their weekly thing.

The Swiss kids are down with their regular RollTogether series.

Every scene should have a weekly session, or seven. The San Francisco Bay area guys rock Tuesday nights. Revolution Skate Shop does theirs every Thursday in Tempe, Ariz. Sunday’s the day in Des Moines, Iowa.

Shit, throw some shrimps on the Barbie and you might get the Heat team to visit (it helps if it’s Erik Bailey’s hometown).

Partying: Week II

Last week, we showed you a section of Joey Chase chasing shots of booze with mayonnaise and Tabasco.

Not to be outdone, Nimh teammate Montre Livingston did something worse, something far more gut-wrenchingly disgusting — he ate McDonald’s.

The video below hit the Web waves this week on Funnyordie.com, illustrating that yes, the way to spice up your after-work life isn’t with speedballs, Jack Daniels and black tar heroin, but rather with Fry-o-Lated potatoes and re-hydrated beef jerky patties.

Shuffling across the room to MC Hammer, Montre’s decked out in a Neglected Truth shirt with a Kendama strung around his neck. Stylin’.

(Editor’s Note: We also spot Whitney, Joe Dobson and Kenny Owens. Nice moves, fellas.)

Noooooooooooooooooo!

No Rollernews? What’s a Web-scouring blading news whore supposed to do? Damn you, technological upgrades and your impingement on everything skating!

Still, they kept everyone informed of the site’s status on Facebook and Twitter, so the blackout wasn’t totally black for most of the week. The site went live again Friday morning.

Ubiquitous Item Of The Week

If a week goes by that I don’t hear the old, “The hardest part about rollerblading…” schpeel, I’ll chop my balls off and eat them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

The Human Giant did his sketch, which is actually pretty funny. It’s always Twittered. Wear a “I Still Rollerblade” shirt to a bar and do the countdown until someone says it.

You get it? We’re all gay! Haha! So clever!

Because you know, we all stride the boardwalk in oversized headphones and short-shorts as you can see by this photo here:

And now, to the anti-gayness of rollerblading, we humbly offer exhibit B…

Comment of the Week

There are good-looking girls always Twittering about rollerblading. Take for instance Ms. Lauucomm:

Umm… “Instead I went rollerblading, got high and stuffed my face.” It’s a shame she ended it with a frown.

If rollerblading is gay, then I guess I’m gay… gay for hot women who love getting sweaty, stoned and pigging out.

Is rollerblading like taking home-ec to pick up girls? Fuck no. Do hot chicks blade? Yes. Does that kick ass? Yes. Is this argument getting old? Oh yeah.

The Sultan of the Savannah

— Brian Krans